I don’t miss TV at all. The television does not define who I am… I don’t need TV to exist. Those who know me might be thinking, “What? I didn’t know that you aren’t watching TV anymore… this is a tragedy!” Don’t panic… it’s ok my friends. I am surviving without TV. In fact I’m doing pretty well without TV. It’s not like there is actually anything worth viewing these days. From the Facebook posts I’ve been reading, everything on TV is trash these days. I am watching some programs… ‘Mediawatch’ then’ Q and A’ on Monday nights. Oh, I am watching ‘Steve Irwin’s Wildlife Warriors’ religiously. And I can’t forget ‘The Project’. When no one is looking, I quickly switch the channel to ‘The Project’… it’s less depressing than the news.
I’m reading more though… mostly Facebook status updates. It’s riveting stuff… like a train wreck at times… and most probably better than reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. Most of the Facebook status updates have been reporting what a load of shite that is.
And what of Foxtel… I don’t have Foxtel. I remember Foxtel well. My favourite channel…. no, I don’t have a particular favourite. There was so much to watch and never enough time to watch it all. Endless repeats of ‘The Simpsons’ and ‘Family Guy’… the Weather Channel. Hit the red button and I could find out the weather in my suburb… they knew exactly where I lived. I liked that they knew these things. Oh, the Biography channel was awesome… I could find things out about people who were dead… or who had just died… or Judge Judy. Then there was all the channels that I could learn things… too numerous to tell you all about them. I did learn things about the sky… the water… and how people killed other people and how they nearly got away with it.
I could watch Ellen Degeneres everyday… EVERYDAY. Honestly, if I could do just one thing it would be just that. Ellen… is… so hilarious! Do you have any idea how hilarious she is? Seriously, why she’s not been given a Nobel Peace Prize I’ll never know.
Meanwhile, when I walk around the kitchen table, my right shoe makes a fart noise. I have to walk a certain way to achieve this awesome sound. I’m thinking of forming a group… hey, Stomp made it big with jumping around with their feet I can’t see any reason why Fart Shoes wouldn’t be as huge. (Please note: Fart Shoes is yet to be patented. All rights of Fart Shoes belong to me.)
This is what I’m thinking about… less TV makes it so. No TV whatsoever and I have way too much time to listen to my most inner innane thoughts. I had no idea that what is swirling around in my head was so stupid. Now I understand my need, nay, my addictive need for TV. To numb… to distract my thoughts… I don’t need to know what’s happening within the inner sanctum of my brain. It’s disturbing… please make it stop.
I miss TV… I sit and look at the black screen, I can imagine… come on Sam, imagine something… people doing things… going places… um, damn useless imagination. I can’t come up with a single… hang on, I can imagine someone, similar looking person to myself sitting on a blue lounge, typing on an Asus laptop sitting directly across from the TV trying to imagine scenes on the TV.
Right, I’m going outside… those clouds aren’t going to sketch themselves.